TIP Blog

Would You Pay $68 Billion to Sleep With This Woman?

Jeff Bezos, the founder and CEO of Amazon and currently the world’s richest man, is divorcing his wife of 25 years, Mackenzie, for Lauren Sanchez, the host of Good Morning LA, and apparently a longtime friend of both he and his wife.

Sanchez is pictured above. Here’s the question: is she worth the $68 billion Bezos will eventually have to pay out to his ex-wife in the divorce?

Screen Shot 2019-01-13 at 10.38.53 AM.png

That’s a big no from me. A lot of botox and lip injections. Plus she’s already been married twice and engaged to a third guy in the past.

Apparently Bezos is in love with her. Check out some of the texts he sent her:

“I love you, alive girl. I will show you with my body, and my lips and my eyes, very soon,” the online retail giant’s CEO, chair and founder wrote to Lauren Sanchez in an April 2018 text message, according to the National Enquirer.”

“Alive girl”? What does that mean? Is that his idea of a compliment?

He also sent her a dick pic:

“The racy messages — which reportedly included a snapshot of Bezos’ junk — were revealed a day after the richest man on the planet announced he was divorcing MacKenzie Bezos, his wife of 25 years.”

C’mon, man.

“Jeff Bezos, 54, sent a picture of his private parts and several shirtless shots — including one where he’s wearing just a towel and a grin — to Sanchez, 49, months before they supposedly started dating in “the fall” after separating from their respective spouses, the Enquirer reported.

A source close to Bezos has claimed to The Post he and MacKenzie Bezos, 48, a novelist, separated last year “and then Jeff and Lauren started dating.”

But the Bezoses were spotted celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary in Miami in September, sources say — while the raunchy texts published in the Enquirer date back many months before that.”

So apparently they’d been carrying on this affair for a while.

“On May 13 last year, he messaged her, “I want to smell you, I want to breathe you in. I want to hold you tight.… I want to kiss your lips…. I love you. I am in love with you,” according to the tabloid.

Three weeks later, he sent her a shirtless photo with another romantic declaration.

“You know what I want? I want to get a little drunk with you tonight. Not falling down. Just a little drunk. I want to talk to you and plan with you. Listen and laugh,” Bezos wrote with the photo on June 1, according to the Enquirer.

“I basically WANT TO BE WITH YOU!!! Then I want to fall asleep with you and wake up tomorrow and read the paper with you and have coffee with you.”

Good Lord, man. Have some self respect.

In one exchange, he reportedly told Sanchez that her “energy and ideas and competence and spirit turn me on.”

Jeff Bezos #RespectsWomen.

He also texts her like he’s giving her an annual business performance review.

“You make me better. You’re meant for me. I know it more clearly than I’ve ever known anything,” Bezos gushed, according to the Enquirer.

Another message reads like a veritable love poem.

“I love everything about you. I love that your last pic takes me completely out of my head. I am crazy about you. All of you. I need to smell and touch you. I want to hold you. I know you’re right for me. I know we fit,” he wrote, according to the paper.”

Seems like puppy love, or mere lust. Bezos will probably regret the hell out of this once the initial euphoria wears off.

Come on, Jeff: you’re the world’s richest man, and this is who you risk it all for? Nothing against Lauren Sanchez but Bezos could do so much better. Hordes of beautiful women probably throw themselves at him on a daily basis and he chooses her?

The thing is, since Bezos got married in 1993, before he founded Amazon and well before he made his billions, I’m not sure he got a prenup with Mackenzie.

So now Bezos’ future ex-wife will join the ranks of the world’s richest people, but as yet another woman taking her place on the list solely due to either inheritance or divorce.

But we live in an Evil Patriarchy Society that is egregiously unfair to women.

Mackenzie Bezos now becomes one of the most eligible bachelorettes on the planet. Rams running back Todd Gurley wants to shoot his shot:

Screen Shot 2019-01-13 at 10.50.37 AM.png

Who wouldn’t be interested in the $68 billion woman?

She’s not the best looking gal in the world but I can overlook a lot for $68 billion.

Screen Shot 2019-01-13 at 11.21.20 AM.png

Get in line, fellas.

Anyway, screw Jeff Bezos. I do hope he gets taken to the cleaners in divorce court. This guy bought the Washington Post in 2013 and turned it into a fetid anti-Trump fever swamp. Plus he’s almost single-handedly killing retail and mom-and-pop stores.

No single company better embodies the soul-sucking globalism of the 21st century than Amazon. No single person has done more to sell his country out for Cheap Chinese Shit than Jeff Bezos.

He certainly can spare $68 billion. He’ll be just fine after the divorce.

But still: screw him. He needs to take an L.

1 comment on “Would You Pay $68 Billion to Sleep With This Woman?

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